Sorry to disappoint, but there is no punchline.

ANTIFA has truly made a positive impact on our society. It may be hard to see, shrouded behind plumes of tear gas and impossible to identify thanks to black hoodies and bandana-covered faces. However, I promise you that ANTIFA, which is short for “Anti-Fascists” have unlocked an unknown source of wisdom which has long been misunderstood by American culture. Hear me out and I promise that you too will have your eyes opened.

As many of you already know, ANTIFA is the group which burst onto the public stage with a series of riots at the University of California, Berkley. While each one of the four riots at UC Berkley has its own set of storylines, there are two things that all of the Berkley riots have in common;

  • There was a guest speaker, event, or rally scheduled which was either pro-Trump or otherwise supported Republican or conservative if you will, political ideologies.
  • ANTIFA used rioting, violence, threats, and/or attempted intimidation as a means of disrupting or silencing the expression of support for political ideologies which they disagree with, under the banner of “silencing political and cultural fascism.”

The first three ANTIFA-sparked Berkley riots have an additional theme, in that ANTIFA used extremely violent surprise attacks on mostly unsuspecting individuals as a primary strategy to accomplish their objectives. The most notable example of these tactics in action was the gruesome use of a bike-lock as a bludgeoning weapon by a Bay area community college ethics professor named Eric Clanton, who is an active member of ANTIFA. Yes, you read that right… an ethics professor. Mr. Clanton’s almost entirely mask-covered face became a sort of Sherlock Holmes meets Rubix Cube challenge for the 4chan message boards. A few very short days after the 4chan boards took on the challenge, a monumental amount of evidence was delivered to local police which led to Clanton’s arrest.

In summary, ANTIFA shows up at events intended to be exercises of free-speech and expression of political beliefs contrary to those which ANTIFA subscribes to (see: Communism) with the intent to prevent the exercise of free-speech and political expression of those whom they disagree with. ANTIFA uses rioting, threats, and intimidation tactics to accomplish their objectives, as well as USUALLY employing the use of physical violence involving weapons ranging from pepper spray to fireworks in glass bottles to various makeshift weapons including clubs, knifes, and yes, even bicycle-locks.

And why do they do this?

To silence fascism and the dirty rotten fascists of course, duh.

If I may, for the sake of being thorough, provide you with not one, but two distinguished and reputable sources where the definition of “fascism” can be found;

Cambridge University

“a political system based on a very powerful leader, state control of social and economic life, and extreme pride in country and race, with no expression of political disagreement allowed


“a political philosophy, movement, or regime (such as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition

In a nut shell, ANTIFA intends to silence fascists by… being the exact damn dictionary definition of what a fascist is. Pure genius! Facepalm.

How could this absolutely ridiculous organization, which collectively represents the biggest walking, talking, hypocritical, oxymoronic or just plain moronic group of idiots who wouldn’t know irony if a truckload of it ran them over, have accomplished anything much less something great?

They have uncovered the modern-day equivalent of the great prophetic works of Nostradamus. Better yet, you can get your own copy of the prophecy on Amazon for $9.99. The video manuscript starring seer of the future Luke Wilson, is called “Ideocracy.” You see my friends, ANTIFA has unlocked a looking-glass into the future, and thanks to capitalism (aka ANTIFA’s kryptonite) you can have your eyes opened wide for a mere ten bucks. Thank you ANTIFA.


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