Alright, slam some pineapple pizzas, grab some shots and get read to sit down in front of the TV an hour before the polls close and feel the pain.

Take a shot whenever Nick Freitas…

Says “liberty”

Mentions Rand Paul

Reminds you he’s a Green Beret

Says “Free Markets”

Mentions Mike Lee

Mentions his endorsements from the NRA or NAGR

Brings up Corey Stewart’s bromance with white supremacists

Does the “grocery store” analogy

Laughs before answering a question from a reporter

Take a shot whenever E.W. Jackson…

Brings up his grandfather was a slave

Tells you he’s not an “African-American”

Reminds you he’s a Marine

Brings up Mike Huckabee

Says “Great American Awakening”

Tells you to “stand up and cheer”

Tells you how pro-life he is

Says “sacred duty”

Screams “God bless America!”

Take a shot whenever Corey Stewart…

Pulls out a roll of toilet paper

Calls someone “flaccid” 

Calls someone a “cuckservative”

Mentions confederate statues

Begins to drool at the mention of confederate statues

Says “I will be an ally of the President”

Says “Trump”

Gets an erection when he hears “wall”

Says “build the wall”

Mentions he won in blue districts

Mentions Jerry Fallwell

Makes fun of Ed Gillespie

Says “Antifa”

Attacks CNN

Calls a reporter “fake news”

Justifies tariffs

Calls Tim Kaine “crooked”

Says “real Republicans”

Whoever hasn’t died by the end of this wins.

photo credit: Unsplash

Stay Away From The Libertarians! will be available on Amazon June 23rd. You can pre-order an autographed copy here.


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